


Let Them Eat Pie

by Riverchester



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Dean's Birthday, Fluff, Love Confessions, M/M, Sam Ships It, jack ships it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-22
Updated: 2018-01-22
Packaged: 2019-03-08 05:50:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,948
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13451856
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Riverchester/pseuds/Riverchester
Summary: Dean's birthday is just around the corner, and with all the exertions of the past months, Sam and Cas want to make it an “all about Dean” day again. They involve Jack into the preparations and the Nephilim turns out to be highly excited about the concept of birthdays, as well as human emotions. And he's not shy to share his newly gained informations from the internet with the other residents of the bunker.





	Let Them Eat Pie

**Author's Note:**

> Hey everyone, happy new year (this is my first writing in 2018)!!  
> The fic turned out waaaay longer than intended, but when the words flow, you don't complain.
> 
> Enjoy reading this fluff with hilarious Jack and have a nice start into the week :)

It’s a cold January morning and Sam enjoys the warmth of the shower after his run. If the weather forecast is true, it was his last one for at least a week. Dried and dressed, he makes his way into the bunker’s kitchen, breathing in the scent of freshly brewed coffee.

_So Dean’s been up again._

The older hunter does this a lot lately; standing up to make breakfast for everyone and then disappearing into his room again for an hour or two. Sam doesn’t know if he should talk to his brother or not. Maybe it’s just Dean’s way to process the last weeks’ events. Definitely better than the usual ‘drinking into oblivion’ approach.

After escaping monster land, after rescuing Cas, and Jack coming back from the alternate reality without their mom, Sam made them all promise to let the hunting down for a while. He thought he’d need it, that they all would need a break, but after just two weeks, he had to admit that his whole life is so focused on hunting that he starts getting bored, starts looking for cases indirectly by watching and reading a lot of local news. They all need something else to focus on. At least for a while.

When Cas and Jack join him at the kitchen table for breakfast and coffee, he has an idea.

“What day is it? Sixteenth?”

Cas tilts his head to the side. “Yes, why?”

Sam shifts closer on his chair and puts his mug down. “Listen, I was thinking. Next week is Dean’s birthday and I think we should celebrate it. It’s been… phew, I don’t even know how long since we’ve done anything more than eating pie in a diner, or him going to a strip club at night.”

“Celebrate his birthday?” Jack asks confused, “but his birthday was years ago.”

“Ehm, yeah, but people celebrate the anniversary of one’s birthday every year,” the hunter explains, “lt’s a day where we kinda… _cherish_ someone’s birth.”

Jack processes the information for a moment and a huge grin spreads on his face. “I like that,” he exclaims, “to celebrate someone’s day of birth is a great way of valuing a human’s life. How exactly do people celebrate their birthday?”

“Oh, well, that can differ. A lot of people spend the day with the ones they love. You know, family and friends. They go out for dinner or eat together at home. You try to make this day special to the one who’s birthday it is. You buy gifts and bake a cake. Well, a _pie_ in Dean’s case.”

“Actually, the first celebrations were in ancient Egypt to mark the day of a Pharao’s coronation, which has been considered their rebirth as gods,” Cas adds casually while sipping on his coffee, “ordinary humans didn’t celebrate their day of birth until the Romans. Well, they only celebrated the one’s of the men of course. Those having a 50th birthday party would receive a special cake made of wheat flour, olive oil, honey and grated cheese. Women had to wait a lot longer. And the tradition of putting candles on a cake for each year of a person’s life? That were the Germans.”

Sam blinks at his friend, who silently pours himself another coffee. “Yeah, well, there _has been_ different ways of celebrating a person’s birthday over the past, and it’s probably still depending on where you live, but I think we should stick to the more common things we do here.”

“I really like that,” Jack says, “so, are we going to celebrate your birthday too? And mine?”

“Ehm, sure,” Sam shrugs.

“When is your birthday?”

“May 2nd.”

“And yours, father?”

Cas looks up to his ‘son’ and blinks. “I don’t really have one, Jack. I was created long before humans divided their year by a calendar.”

“Hmm,” Jack muses, “but how are we going to celebrate and cherish your birth? You need a birthday.”

Sam has to smile at how insistent the boy is about this topic, and at how flustered it seems to make Cas. “Yes, you really need a birthday, Cas. We always used Jimmy’s for your fake ID’s, but that’s not really fitting.”

Clearing his throat, and with a hint of a blush, Cas says, “You know, If I had to choose one day I’d like to celebrate… It’d probably be September 18th.”

“Why this specific day?” Jack asks.

Once more clearing his throat, and this time with a definite blush on his face, Castiel explains. “It’s… It’s the day I brought Dean back from hell. Taking over Jimmy’s body as a vessel may be not the most appropriate thing to celebrate, but… it’s an important date for me. Everything changed from then on, I’ve become someone completely different. My _rebirth_ , if you like to see it like that. And I’m grateful for it.”

Sam smirks. He remembers those early days of Castiel, Angel of the Lord, on earth and how much he has changed since then. “You’re right. That’s a brilliant date. And we’re gonna celebrate this year. But first, we need to plan something for Dean.”

 

And so, the preparations for _Dean’s-super-secret-39th-birthday-party_ begin. The three party-planner-newbies soon realize that one week is not a lot of time, not if they have to keep it a secret from the man of the day by sneaking around in the bunker.

They decide to search for ideas first, come together to talk about them and make a list what to buy. Sam notices that especially Jack seems to dive into the task and searches through dozens and dozens of websites for references. The kid really likes the idea of celebrating one’s birthday and comes up with some amazing, if excessive, traditions from all around the world. Some get filed under ‘things I want to do someday’.

On Friday, they take advantage of Dean’s precisely scheduled devotion to his car, and sit around the kitchen table again to discuss their plans. After a pot of coffee and a bunch of chocolate chips cookies the oldest Winchester made this morning, they have agreed on pretty much everything. Sam gets assigned with the task of trying damn hard not to burn their food when he’s making dinner on Wednesday, chili, after the recipe Dean thankfully has pinned to the side of the fridge. Burgers would have been another alternative, but they all agreed that no one would manage to make them as good as Dean.

Cas will make sure that Dean won’t join Sam and Jack on their supply and food run on Saturday, and gets charged with decorating the library and war room in the night to Wednesday. Sam isn’t surprised that the angel also insists on making a cherry pie. He has seen the old baking book lying on Cas’ bed the day before.

The only thing left open is the topic of gifts.

“I thought about ordering the books of Vonnegut. Dean used to binge-read them in the past. But his old copies got lost over the years and I think he’d like to have them,” Sam says.

Cas nods. “That’s actually a great gift, Sam. Dean mentioned not long ago that he’d like to read them again.” He sighs. “I have no idea what to get Dean. I’m thinking about it constantly for days.”

Sam looks at the angel apologetically. “Hey, I know I said we should get him presents, but it doesn’t have to be something big or fancy. He’s gonna love everything you give to him. You’re the one making the pie, that’s probably gonna outshine everything for him anyway.”

Cas huffs a laugh and smiles. “Thanks, Sam. But I still want to get him something.”

“Maybe you could buy him jewelry, father,” Jack suggests.

The two men look confused at the Nephilim. “Why jewelry?” Cas asks.

“Oh, I just read that it’s quite common for a man to buy jewelry as a birthday gift for a partner.”

Sam chokes on his drink and has to wipe coffee from his chin, while Cas becomes stock still and his eyes widen.

“Is that wrong information from the internet?” Jack asks, confused by their reaction.

Sam suppresses a smirk. He wants to make a joke, he wants to say “yes, go and buy jewelry for your _lover_ , Cas”, but one look at his friend's face, at this mixture of embarrassment and sadness, and he abandons his plan.

Long-since has he known about the feelings Cas has for Dean - mutual feelings, about that he's sure - and it's been funny at times to see them stare at each other, to see his brother flush or lose his words around the angel. But mostly, it's a sad story to Sam. It’s the story of two men, desperately clinging to each other through war, betrayal and death, yet both believing not to be worth the other man's love. The story of rejection and conflict, not out of commitment phobia, but out of fear to lose the person they love, out of fear to be a disappointment.

Sam keeps his joke to himself and answers instead “No, the internet’s not wrong. But usually a man buys jewelry for a woman.”

Jack seems to consider this and nods “So… it wouldn't be appropriate to get it for Dean because he's a man too.”

“Well, it's not like men don't wear _any_ jewelry, but…” Sam searches for the right words to explain this situation to Jack without hurting Cas' feelings.

Turns out, he doesn't need to wrack his brain, because the angel answers for him. “Dean and I aren't a couple, Jack.”

The Nephilim looks between the two men in bewilderment. “I… I don't understand. I thought that people who are in love with each other and live together are a couple.” He tilts his head to the side and squints his eyes. “And father, you and Dean are- “

The sound of Cas' chair screeching over the tiles when he stands up echoes in the kitchen and interrupts Jack. The angel has his head sunken to his chest, his hands balled into fists at his side. If it weren't for the shallow, trembling breathing Sam can hear, one might think he's angry. When Cas opens his mouth, however, it becomes clear that he's fighting with his feelings. “I- I have something do to. Please excuse me.” He turns around and leaves the kitchen without another word, his footsteps becoming quieter by the second.

It takes another minute in complete silence until Jack speaks again. “Have I said something wrong? I didn't mean to upset him.”

Sam rubs a hand over his face and sighs. “Look, you've done nothing wrong, Jack. It's just… it's complicated, okay? Dean and Cas aren't together, they're… it's complicated.” It's hard enough to wrap his head around the whole situation with his brother and the angel, trying to put it into words seems nearly impossible. At least in a for the Nephilim understandable and still short way.

“But they are in love, right?” Jack doesn't let it slide.

“I… I guess they are. But sometimes it's not enough to be in love to actually… _act_ on it, you know?”

The boy nods and hums. “Sometimes social conventions and different expectations of life can keep people apart. I read about it.”

“On the internet?” Sam asks and huffs a laugh.

“Yes. I read stories about people falling in love with each other but not being able to spend their life together because of different circumstances. That made me sad.”

The hunter blinks. “You read love stories? Why?”

“Human emotions are so… complicated. And confusing,” Jack sighs. “Dean blamed me for my father's death, I know he hated me for it and -”

“Jack, Dean doesn’t hate you.”

“I know, Sam. But he did. Or he… he wanted to hate me. And I understand that it was because Castiel meant so much to him and looking at me was painful. But you and my father are friends, too, you told me he is family and that you all love each other. You told me my mom loved me. But if all of this is love, how can the emotions be so different?”

Sam stays quiet the whole time and simply listens to the, in some way, very wise words of the Nephilim.

“I looked up what love means, and at first, I was even more confused. Wikipedia recommended books and stories. I read them and I guess I understand now what it means.”

Sam huffs a laugh, but Jack continues without any hesitation. “You love Dean, he’s your brother and you care about him, no matter what. You love Castiel like a brother, too. But Dean and my father, they’re… they’re _in love_. I know now that this is what I felt when I touched Castiel before I was born. There was this pull, this… _longing_. A passionate affection that draws him to Dean. And with how they behave around each other, I simply thought that they are a couple.”

For a minute or two, Sam just progresses everything that Jack said and searches for the right words to explain their situation to the Nephilim. He’s still so naïve and trustful, it’s a shame that he won’t be able to stay like this forever.

“I know, Jack. Chuck knows I want them to just finally admit it to each other, but both Cas and Dean are kinda known for their self-loathing. It’s not our job to force them into something they’re not ready for. But I get that it looks ridiculous from the outside.”

Quietly, Jack nods. “I just want them to be happy. You’re my family, and I hate it to see you hurting.”

Sam pulls the kid into a hug “You’re awesome Jack, you know that? You belong here just as much as we do, and that won’t ever change, okay?”

 

\----------

 

Dean yawns and rolls his shoulders before he stumbles almost zombie-like through his room towards the door. The corridor’s lamps are still turned out from the night, but the oldest Winchester has no problem navigating in the dark. It’s actually a very satisfying feeling to know a place well enough to not bump into everything on his way through the halls. It’s part of calling this bunker his home.

The light shining through the crack at the bottom of the kitchen door should have been the first and obvious clue that maybe he’s not the first one up this morning. But rather than the visual hint, it’s the smell that catches Dean’s attention.

Inside the room he cleaned up again and again over the last few weeks, without it being strictly necessary, he’s not greeted by Sam or Cas or Jack, but by still warm pans on the stove. He frowns. It doesn’t sound like his brother to make himself pancakes or – he sniffs – bacon. Turning out the light, he walks back into the hall.

“Sam?” he shouts.

There’s a rumble coming from the library and Dean scuffs in its direction, fastening the belt of his dead man’s robe. Rubbing the sleep out of his eyes, he enters the open core of the bunker and stops dead in his track.

“Happy Birthday, Dean!” come the cheerful shouts of his three housemates.

“What the –”

Dean looks at where his brother, his angel, and the Nephilim are standing around one of the tables and smile brightly at him. He turns around himself once to take in the room. There are garlands crossing the ceiling and walls, streamers hanging from the shelves, and balloons and confetti covering the floor and most of the surfaces. Stretched in the archway separating the library from the war room, is a banner showing “Happy 39th Birthday Dean!” in big, bold letters.

The sight is so surprising and fascinating that he can do nothing but stare. Dean laughs to himself. It’s his birthday, and he didn’t even remember it.

“You guys are crazy. What is all of that stuff?” he says, still looking around in awe.

“People call it ‘decoration’,” Sam answers and steps closer to embrace his brother in a tight hug.

“Yeah, no shit Sherlock. I mean, why are you doing this?”

Jack is the next one to hug him. “To celebrate your birth. It’s not a real birthday party without decoration.”

Dean chuckles at how tight the boy closes his arms around him, and he pats Jack’s back in response.

“I really don’t know what to say.” It’s true, even if he found some words to explain his overwhelming feelings right now, he wouldn’t try to speak, because he fears he might start to cry.

“There’s no need to say anything,” Cas says as if he reads his mind. The angel steps behind Jack and when the boy releases Dean, he hesitates for a moment, before he too, embraces the hunter and presses their bodies together. “Happy birthday, Dean,” he whispers into the man’s ear. The devotion that comes across with these simple words have Dean shivering.

Almost reluctantly, he lets go of Cas again and sits down in the chair his brother offers him. Just now he realizes what awesome things are spread on the table in front of him. There’s the bacon he already smelled in the kitchen, and the pancakes too. He can’t see one tiny slice of fruit or vegetables, only…

“Oh my god, is that _pie_?”

Dean doesn’t even wait for an answer or the other ones’ laughter, he quickly pulls the pan closer to himself. The cherry pie is decorated with an amazing pie crust pattern on top and a single candle stuck into it.

“This looks almost too good to eat,” he says, more to himself, “ _almost_.”

Sam bursts out laughing. “Yeah, well it took Cas quite some time, but the result really looks awesome.”

Dean’s head snaps up and he looks at his brother, then at the angel. “You made me pie?”

“Ehm, yes. I hope it tastes good.”

“You have to blow out the candle and make a wish,” Jack says grinning.

Huffing a laugh, Dean leans over and closes his eyes. There are many things he could wish for, but feeling the presence of his brother, his angel and Jack, whom he has already put in his heart as a son, he knows exactly what matters the most to him. _I wish for this._

Without any further comments, Dean puts a slice on his plate, while the others take their seats and help themselves with food from the table. Sam pours them all coffee, and aside from the clinking of dishes and cutlery, there is no sound for a moment. That is, until Dean takes the first bite of the pie and moans around it.

“Wow,” he says with his mouth full, “I’m definitely gonna have this in my heaven.”

Out of the corner of his eyes, he can see Cas grinning and looking down on his hands. _Mission accomplished_ , Dean thinks. And he didn’t lie one second. This is probably the best pie he ever had. Maybe the fact that Cas made it especially for him adds a bit to the amazing flavor, but it’s still great. He’s bursting with emotions because those three put so much effort in making him one hell of a breakfast, just because it’s his birthday.

He offers the others a slice too, but they all cut out only a tiny chunk, knowing that Dean can easily eat the whole thing himself. And he does. The four of them take their time with breakfast and when Dean tries to clear the table, hands on both of his shoulders push him down into his seat again.

“Nope, don’t even think of it,” Sam says, “You won’t lift one finger today.”

Dean looks up to them picking up dishes. “Wait, and who’s making dinner tonight?”

“Me, actually. But don’t worry, I wouldn’t dream of serving you salad on your birthday. I prepared chili. Was quiet the task to get behind those scribbling on your recipe, but so far it tastes amazing. And that’s just the beginning of our plan for today.”

Dean blinks at his brother, then at Cas and Jack. He really has to fight the tears now. “You guys are unbelievable. I… I’m speechless. How did you even prepare all of this without me knowing?”

“We made sure you are otherwise occupied when we met up to discuss and plan,” Jack explains, glowing with pride that they had managed to actually surprise Dean.

“So, what are we going to do?”

“Well, I already set up the TV for a Western marathon, if you like. Oh, and I…,” Sam laughs, “I found our old Risk board game. Thought we could teach Jack and Cas the Winchester rules of the game.”

Dean bursts out laughing. “Oh my god, we haven’t played that in years. I don’t even remember all of our rules. We did most of them drunkenly.”

“Yeah, but fortunately you wrote them down on a napkin.”

The brother’s keep laughing for a moment until Jack clears his throat and looks at Sam with raised eyebrows.

“Oh, yeah, but first we have some presents for you,” the younger Winchester adds.

“Come on, guys. Really? You don’t have to buy me stuff.”

“No, but we wanted to,” Cas says and sits down next to him.

First, Sam gives him a heavy package, wrapped in newspaper. It’s his favorite books of Vonnegut, all in beautiful hardcover editions.

“That’s… wow, thanks, Sam. That’s amazing.” He stands up to pull his brother into another hug.

“Open mine next!” Jack practically shoves a colorfully wrapped gift in his hands. The boy is all bouncy and excited, looking at the present in anticipation. It brings a huge grin on Dean’s face to see the Nephilim like this, how much effort he put in a gift for him. He’s tempted to call it ‘adorable’.

Carefully unwrapping it, he pulls out a shiny wrench that lies nicely in his hand. It’s obviously a better brand.

“Turn it around,” Jack says, “I let them engrave your initials on it. I saw on Etsy that personalized gifts are very popular right now.”

Dean turns the wrench in his hand and chuckles at the cursive D and W. “Thanks, Jack. That’s really an awesome gift.” An idea strikes him, and he tightens the grip on the wrench. “Hey, what do you say you help me take it to use, huh? A man should know how to handle one. And my Baby will appreciate it.”

Jack’s eyes widen and he looks disbelievingly between him and the other two men in the room. “Yes!” he exclaims with joy.

Sam pats Dean’s shoulder, and the older hunter knows that he just made the boys day while simultaneously making his brother proud.

“Father, Dean is going to let me work on Baby!” Jack continues to express his overflowing excitement.

Cas smiles softly. “I heard it, Jack. And I bet you’ll do great.”

Dean locks eyes with the angel and he immediately loses himself in the gentle expression and the deep blue color. The surrounding seems to blur around him, like it always does when he focuses on the angel.

Sam clears his throat, or maybe it’s Jack. Either way, it brings Dean back to reality, which means turning his gaze away from Cas awkwardly and fidgeting with the wrench to keep his hands busy.

Before the silence can drag on too long, Cas steps forward and fetches a small box out of his trench coat. “This is for you,” he says, “I… it’s nothing special, and if you don’t like it, don’t feel obliged to keep it, but… I saw it and I thought you might like it.”

When Dean takes it, their hands touch and he’s about to slip away into another moment between them, but he catches himself and looks down at the carefully wrapped box. He pulls at the tape, not ripping open the paper, and takes out a plain wooden box. Inside is a necklace, a simple leather cord with a silver pendant. A feather. Dean pulls it out of the box and turns it in his hand. When he looks up at Cas again, he’s met with wide eyes, looking almost shocked, and he realizes that the angel is nervous. He’s actually nervous that Dean won’t like the gift, so the hunter quickly puts the cord over his head and presses the pendant to where it lies directly over his heart.

“I love it, Cas,” he says and embraces his friend, hearing the sigh of relief near his ear.

They don’t get to stay like this for long, because Jack is still a bit hysterical and announces that they could now start with the entertainment. Chuckling, they all take a seat in front of the TV and press play. Dean could shed a tear at how much the three make sure that he has all of his favorite things on this day. During the films, he’s mostly distracted by the heavy weight of the cord around his neck, his pounding heart, and the proximity to the angel next to him.

Later that day, when Sam and Cas start fixing their dinner, Dean takes Jack to the garage and gives him an introduction to the basics of car care. The boy is willing to learn and follows Dean’s instructions to the detail. It warms the hunter’s heart, being able to teach him this. It’s one of his most wanted wishes, to teach a kid all that he has to give, and slowly, he starts to believe that with Jack, he has another chance. After he had to let go of Ben, Dean thought he would never get to have that again.

Sam calls them for dinner and they all gather around the kitchen table. The chili is… to be honest, better than Dean would’ve thought. It’s actually really good, and he’s already taking his second serving. Even Cas tries it. The scrunched-up face when he chews on one tiny bite is hilarious, and Dean almost spits over the table. It’s a homey atmosphere, a perfect closing to what must be the best birthday of his life. But it isn’t the closing, not yet.

Shoving the bowl away from him, Dean slumps into the seat and pats his food baby. “This was awesome. I can let you two cook dinners now and then with a clear conscience.”

“Don’t get used to it,” Sam says, equally stuffed with food, “It’s a damn lot of work.”

“Oh, really, didn’t know that,” Dean mocks. But he wouldn’t mind if the cooking would stay his task. He loves it, and it makes him feel useful even in times like this, when they aren’t hunting.

They are about to stand up and get back into the library, when Jack stops them. “Wait, I’ve got another present for you.” He disappears for a moment, just to come back with a small package in his hands. “Here,” he says, putting it on the table in front of Dean.

The hunter looks at his brother, who seems to be confused by this additional gift, and starts unwrapping it. It’s another book, but not quiet what he’d ever have thought to get.

“Pride and Prejudice?” he asks a bit bewildered.

Sam is apparently just as surprised. “Jack! You said you wanted to have that for yourself!”

“Well, I lied. I’m sorry, Sam, but I know you wouldn’t have agreed with me if I’d told you the truth.”

“Can someone please tell me what’s going on here?” Dean has no clue how to interpret the others’ expressions. Jack looks determined and confident, Sam has a rather _apologetic_ look on his face, and Cas… Cas seems to be shocked and a little bit nervous.

“Look, Dean, don’t be mad at Jack. He means it well.”

“Sam, I’m not mad. I don’t even know why I should be mad, because I simply don’t understand what the hell’s going on.”

Jack sits down again and starts to explain. “I already read this one, and I want you to read it too. It’s a love story, I don’t want to spoiler too much, but it has a happy ending.”

Dean huffs a laugh, “Yeah, okay, but why would you want me to read Jane Austen? I appreciate that you got it for me, but to be honest, it’s not really my type of book.”

“I know,” Jack goes on, “and that’s why I want you to read it. It’s very popular, and although I guess that the social circumstances are not directly transferable to today, it still shows that two people can end up happily together despite differences, if they just overcome what holds them back.”

Dean starts to believe he’s missing something crucial here. He looks at his brother again, and then at Cas, who avoids eye contact and seems to actually tremble a bit.”

“Maybe it inspires you,” Jack adds after a while.

The realization of what the boy is talking about kicks in, and Dean’s breathing starts to get rapid. He feels more than uncomfortable now, in this kitchen with two pairs of eyes staring at him, and the only pair that he’d really like to see right now is still avoiding contac. Dean clutches to the edge of the table while his brain tries to process everything that just happened, or rather, everything that happened today. The leather cord and pendant suddenly feel unbelievable heavy around his neck, and his heartbeat sounds in his ears. _Cas, please look at me_ , he pleads in his head, but the angel doesn’t move a bit.

Sam clears his throat and stands up. “Come on Jack, let’s go.” He stops next to Dean on the way out. “We’re in the library if you need us.”

With the two men gone, it’s only Dean, who’s still kinda having a panic attack, and Cas, who still looks down at his lap.

 _Please, Cas… please look at me,_ Dean tries again. He can’t open his mouth.

It takes what feels like an eternity until the angel raises his head and sad, nervous eyes meet Dean’s.

“I’m sorry, Dean, I… I didn’t know that Jack would…” he sighs, “I’m sorry.”

“You have no reason to apologize.” His voice sounds nothing like him, either because he’s hoarse or because his hearing sounds like through cotton wool.

“But it’s your birthday, and now your uncomfortable.”

Dean huffs a laugh. “Yeah, but… ehm, the day has been awesome so far. Figures that it’s not a real Winchester thing without a bit of drama, right?”

“Do you still like the necklace?” The angel asks suddenly.

“What? Of course, I still like it. Cas, I said I love it, and I mean it.”

There’s another moment of awkward silence, but at least, Dean feels his body coming down again.

“You know, it’s been Jack’s idea that I buy you jewelry. He got really excited about this whole birthday stuff.”

Dean chuckles. “Yeah, I got that. Kid’s all bouncy the whole day.”

“He read on the internet that… that _partners_ buy each other jewelry, so he suggested that I should get something for you.”

“Oh,” the hunter blushes.

“Yes.”

“So… Jack thinks that we…,” he doesn’t have the courage to actually say it out loud, no matter how much he wants to.

“Yes.” Even Cas, Mr. _I-don’t-sweat-under-any-circumstances_ , seems flustered.

Great, so they are really going to have this conversation. In the bunker’s kitchen. On his birthday.

“Look, Cas, I – ”

“You don’t have to explain anything to me, Dean. I told Jack that we’re not a couple. I guess he’s just a bit overexcited right now. He’ll get over it.”

“Oh, okay…”

“But I’m glad that you are still going to wear the necklace. It means a lot to me. I know that I’m not worth it, but – ”

“Whoa, whoa, wait!” Dean interjects, “what do you mean you’re not ‘worth it’?”

Cas sighs. “I’m glad to be your friend, Dean, I know I can’t expect anything more from you after all what I’ve done.”

The hunter swallows. He feels his heart racing again, but he won’t let this stop him from talking this bullshit out of Cas. “That’s crazy Cas!”

“Oh, really, is it? With how often I betrayed you? With how often I left you, even though you wanted me not to? With how often I made everything worse with my decisions? I failed as an angel, I failed as a human, and I failed as a friend. I wish I could change the past, but I can’t, so I have to bear the consequences. You still seeing me as a friend is more than I deserve. It’s not fair to demand for your love.”

Dean snaps. He can’t take how serious his friend looks while saying this shit. “Are you kidding me? You raised me from perdition, for god’s sake. You gave up heaven, your home and your family, for me. You killed for me, more often than I can count. You saved Sammy, offered to die _with_ me on more than one occasion. Cas, you’re the best friend I ever had, and I could never have wished for a better one.”

He rubs a hand down his face. “You’re perfect, in my eyes. I’m the one who yelled at you, time after time, without any real reason. I still wonder how you can even put up with me every day. I threw you out, for god’s sake, I turned away from you in the time you were the weakest, when you needed nothing more than a home and a friend. That was probably the shittiest thing one can do. I’m hardly worth your friendship, and definitely not your love!”

Cas’ eyes widen. “You love me?”

The hunter’s worn down by this whole conversation, he doesn’t have the strength anymore to deny it. He feels tears filling his eyes. “Yes! Yes, I do, Cas. I love you! More than I can even tell, but it doesn’t change anything, I’m not good for you. I would just make you miserable.”

Shaking his head, the angel takes Dean’s hand across the table. “Do you even listen to yourself, Dean? You say that I’m perfect to you, that you can easily overlook all of my flaws and failures, yet you don’t seem to understand that I don’t care about things you did in the past. I fell for you, and that’s not meant to make you feel guilty. It’s because in my whole existence, nothing has ever valued more to me and made me happier than you.”

Dean’s finger tremble as he clutches to Cas. There’s a lump in his throat and he can’t speak.

“I’m not saying you should let your stupid self-loathing aside, that won’t happen soon anyway. But let me try to show you I mean it. Please, Dean, let me try to make you happy. Let me love you.”

The hunter swallows and takes a few seconds to get his feelings under control again. This is not how he thought their discussion would turn out. He’d never thought he would actually admit to Cas how he feels. “We can’t,” he whispers.

“Why not?”

“We can’t,” Dean repeats.

“Is it because I’m in a male body? Does a physical relationship to a man displease you? I promise, we don’t have to do anything you don’t want. I don’t expect intercourse from you, Dean. Although I have to admit that I’m not averse to it, either.”

Dean laughs through his sobbing. “No, Cas, it’s not because you’re a guy. I’m maybe a bit nervous, but I’m not scared. You’re damn hot, actually.”

“Then I don’t understand why you don’t want to – ”

“Because it won’t last! It never does. Since when do I get to have nice things, huh? I always lose the people I love. Yeah, we’ll be happy at first, probably happier than I’ve ever been, but there’s another big evil thing waiting just around the corner to destroy it. And I can’t… I can’t lose you. Not again. Not if I get to have you like I wanted for years now. If we start this, then my fucking brain will go with it, and it will paint the illusion of a happy ending for me, of the two of us living together, taking care of Jack… the whole playing house thing. And losing you then will kill me. It’s probably gonna be my fault anyway. The ass-heads out there already use Sammy to get to me. I can’t be responsible for your death. You’re better off without me anyway.”

Cas stands up suddenly and his chairs knocks over behind him. “Are you kidding me, Dean Winchester? You say you _save_ me by rejecting me? And that while I’m sitting here and telling you that I’m the happiest I’ve ever been, in all of the _millennia_ of my existence, is with you?”

“Cas, listen – ”

“No, you listen to me! Don’t you fucking dare telling me what’s best for me. Not if it’s something stupid like this. I always came back to you, didn’t I? And even if some day I won’t, if somehow we’ll get parted and I can’t find my way back, then what difference does it make? Sam told me how you drank yourself into oblivion when I died the last time. What would change if we were together? Losing you would still break me apart, but at least I would have memories of us, at least I would know that we had it good together. You can’t just close up all on your own out of fear that something bad will happen.”

He sits down again, noticeably exhausted. “I promise you Dean, I won’t leave you on my own will. I can’t predict what the future will bring for us, but please… _please_ don’t hide behind this excuse.” His expression softens and he grabs for Dean’s hands again. “You deserve better. And you know what? I deserve better, too.”

The last sentence lets Dean twitch. Cas is right. He’s so damn right and Dean hates himself for not seeing it. It’s time to man up and finally take the chances he gets offered. _Cas deserves it_.

He leans over the table and plants a gentle peck on the angel’s lips, only to be pulled in for a deeper kiss. And just like he predicted, the dam has broken with this. There’s no going back, but Dean doesn’t want to go back anyway. He rounds the table and pulls Cas up to press their bodies together, to fist his hands in the dark hair and the back of the trench coat. They don’t part for what feels like an eternity and neither of them cares one bit about time.

Eventually, Dean needs to breathe, though, and he uses the opportunity to take his angel’s hand and guide them through the bunker’s corridors to his room. He only stops in front of his bed and turns around to look at Cas. “Is this okay?” he asks.

The other man just nods and starts undressing by taking off the trench coat. Their actions aren’t rushed, they aren’t even heated or erotic. They simply need the contact, skin on skin, from head to toe. They kiss and worship, putting the love they denied each other for so long in every single word and every single drag of lips and fingers across skin. Tonight, sex isn’t about having an orgasm for them, it’s about being as close as possible to each other and simply share the moment.

Dean breathes in deeply when he buries his face in the dark hair of the man he loves. He’s lying on his back, with Cas’ head resting on his chest. Dean isn’t tired, and he knows that the angel isn’t either, but they don’t need to talk, so an hour passes and they simply enjoy each other’s warmth. At some point, Dean looks over to his nightstand, however, and sees the book lying there. He doesn’t even remember bringing it back from the kitchen.

“I brought it,” Cas says, his voice gravely and unfairly sexy.

“Hey, no eavesdropping in my head,” Dean answers playfully.

“You’re just thinking too loud.”

The hunter chuckles. “Oh, am I?”

_I’d like to bite that nice, firm ass of Castiel, angel of the Lord._

Cas answers by slapping him. “That’s rude.”

Dean laughs out loud. He can see that the angel kinda liked his dirty prayer. “Better than sexting.”

The dark-haired man hides his face, but Dean cups his jaw and kisses him deeply.

“You know, I never read Pride and Prejudice. It’s this standard girly book, but it’s super famous and I guess it can’t be _that_ bad to take a look at it. Maybe I’m gonna read it. It’s a gift after all.”

“I know what it’s about from Metatron, but I never read it myself. From what I know, I would like to. Maybe… you could read it to me?”

Dean raises his eyebrows. “You want me to read to you?”

“Yes. I like your voice.”

The hunter laughs under his breath and sits up more straightly, pulling his pillow behind his back for comfort and indicates for Cas to get comfortable too. The angel shifts closer and puts his head under Dean’s chin, who grabs for the book.

“Cheesy book, cheesy atmosphere. But you know what? I kinda like it.” With a kiss on top of Cas’ head, he starts reading. “’It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife…’”

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you liked it :)
> 
> I'm on tumblr, if anyone would like to say hi. I don't bite ;) (https://riverchester.tumblr.com/)


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